Hey guys. Hope you’re all doing amazingly well, even during this period of lockdown.
First of all, I know it’s been a while.
Honestly, and I do genuinely mean this honestly, I had been meaning to show up here again at some point for a while. Problem was, it never seemed to be the right time and the energy just wasn’t there. Now it is and here I am.
Out of the blue. Unannounced. That’s how I like to make an entrance.
However, before I get to the main point of this post, I want to start by sharing what I think might just be the most obvious statement, especially these days.
2020 was a truly indescribable year. There I said it. Sue me.
That year will go down in history. We all know that. Life appeared to be here, there and everywhere.
For me in particular, those last few, never ending months of 2020, and even now in this moment actually, have been some of the most confusing and have forced me to take real action and reflect on things happening everyday in my life.
I have gone through, what I can only depict to you, as a mental and ground-breaking shakeup. It feels as though every part of me has gone through a form of personal change.
A season of growth. That’s a reasonably adequate way to put it.
I kid you not, I’m still trying to process in my head the things I have gone through in such a short period of time.
Looking back, it’s possibly more fitting to refer to this time as ‘my whirlwind moments of insanity’. I can’t deny how incredible and positive the growth has ended up being, but still insane none the less.
You’ll understand why in just a moment when I delve into this a little deeper.
But before I spill the personali-tea, I have to introduce you to the 4 layers of this conundrum. Each specific part has played a role in this mind change and was a vital piece to this personal life puzzle.
They key players are;
- Home life
- Family life
- Love life
- Professional life
Let’s begin with stage 1…
MY HOME LIFE:
One of the most notable changes over this past year, made for a HUGE leap out of my comfort zone.
And I mean that in the literal sense.
That comfort zone being in the form of my old bedroom. I’m saying old, because it’s no longer my bedroom. In fact, I have no idea who’s it is now, or if it’s even used as a bedroom anymore.
It was my space to relax at the end of a long day, to think about the important stuff and just be.
In a way, it was my safety net when I needed it most.
A place to run to when I felt I had to escape the world and where this whole writing journey began.
Obviously, I have a new room, in a new home, which I have become comfortable with and accustomed to, but the point is, it isn’t what I had been used to for a large portion of my life.
Let’s be honest, change isn’t always easy.
When you know something from childhood, right through your teen years and for the first 2 years of your 20s, how could it ever be that easy?
I don’t know if this makes me sound like a saddo or kind of endearing?
I want to go with the latter.
To add to the drama, this move wasn’t just any old move. Oh no. Not in the slightest.
This move was sudden and sprung upon me.
It was during a pandemic.
A world crisis.
No wonder emotions were heightened.
Everything is chaotic anyway.
Back in April of last year. So just a month into Lockdown 1, I was hit with a bombshell, which not only lead to my move, but ultimately, my families also. Let’s just say, this is where the confusion doubles.
Perfect way to bring us to stage 2…
MY FAMILY LIFE:
I have attempted to write this section several times over.
Each time I have scrapped what I was going to say for the reason of not wanting to offend.
I keep feeling as though I need to tread lightly. Hold back on certain things and rethink my wording.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I do. There is no doubt about that. But that doesn’t mean the relationships have been plain sailing for me or even for them.
The aim of this post was to be as open and real as I possibly can so holding back even a little would be doing both me and you a disservice. So fam, forgive me.
The reality is, family life hasn’t always been simple for me.
Growing up I was a challenging child and I’m more than certain those who know me will say I’m still a challenge at times.
They are 100% right.
For that reason, I will never put the full blame on my family. I will happily take responsibility where I know it is necessary.
It’s been a rocky time for all of us.
There were great moments and times I’d rather put in the past.
There will never be resentment. I just want to live my life and move forward in my way. I feel I am doing just that and they are also and successfully with real distance to help.
My mom and stepdad always had a dream to move to Scotland. Now they have.
They are about 7 hours away from me by car.
I told you it was real distance.
Just imagine it. You see someone everyday. You live with them for all those years and then one day they are just gone.
Due to the friction between us at the time, I moved out two months before they left. I can’t say it made things better but I can say it helped the transition a little.
In a way I’m proud of myself for doing what initially seemed scary and I’m happy for them for doing what they had always wanted to do. We can call that a win-win for now!
On to something more positive with stage 3…
MY LOVE LIFE:
Covid-19, and each of the three Lockdowns came with their own personal challenges and negatives.
However I can’t complain. That time helped me figure myself out, more than I imagined I could.
We do love a good silver lining over here.
For years I assumed I knew myself pretty well. Yet, I always felt like part of my life didn’t fully make sense to me.
I’d ignore any thoughts relating to it, happily pushing them to the side where I assumed they belonged.
Looking back now, I put that down to fear.
Living a lie can seem easier and the safer option. It also seemed the more reasonable option for those around me.
It wasn’t until I met that special someone that I realised it was wrong to lie and hide behind that lie for so long. The truth had become apparent and as clear as day.
That missing link had clearly been found.
If you couldn’t tell, I’m referring to my sexuality.
After years of people coming up to me and asking if I thought there was a possibility I wasn’t straight, and me trying to prove to them that of course I am, I have to say now, no I’m definitely not straight.
Who could’ve guessed?
Well, many people actually.
I blinded myself to even the thought of this possibility but I’ll admit it now with absolute vigour.
I fell in love with a girl. Not just any girl at that. She’s my closest friend, the person who inspired me to want to be as open as I’m being now and the person I trust above anyone else. I guess you could call that genuinely lucky.
I know some may not agree with it, and trust me, I know they don’t. I’ve had a bit of opposition already but it doesn’t matter, I couldn’t be any happier.
It’s true when they say, when you know, you know.
I’m definitely gay and she’s definitely the one.
Yep. I said what I said.
The final stage…
MY PROFESSIONAL LIFE:
To clarify, when I say professional, I don’t mean fully professional.
We’re talking, 50% professional, 50% hoping for the best.
Let’s call that being a professional unprofessional. A perfectly balanced ratio
Let’s put it this way, if there was an award for the most professional unprofessional, I would win, although my friend and fellow content extraordinaire, Natalie, would be close competition.
But for the sake of this section, we will accept professional.
Anyway, for the past three and a half years I have worked in Digital Marketing, all for the same company, starting as an Apprentice, and now in an Executive role.
Although working around all aspects of Digital, my specialisms were always in content.
Writing and creativity had always been my passions.
In fact it was from doing this blog, that I initially landed this role in the first place.
Amazing when you think about it. The impact my personal musings had on what would become my career.
Funny really, especially saying that when I was younger I was set on becoming a writer. I always knew it is what I wanted to do.
People doubted it and at times, so did I.
But here I am, a couple of years later, writing everyday.
But what does all this have to do with now?
Well, that’s just it.
It’s been several years.
I joined this company when I was still struggling. So much so, that I chose to work for a business which was in the town I lived in and was used to.
I have grown in every way possible and I’m ready to grow further.
The events of this past year have proved I can do it and sometimes you have to just go for it and I have.
Next month I start a new chapter of my life, in a whole new position, in an entirely new job.
Everything happens in its own time. I’ve always believed that.
I’m ready for what is to come. Bring it on!
There you have it.
Now you understand where I am coming from when I say this last year has brought me more than enough personal change to last me for at least the next few years?
Saying this was my first post back as well, I was certain I wouldn’t have the words to truly express these things fully.
Instead, I have inundated you all with more information than you will know what to do with.
It’s a lot I know.
I just hope it helps and let’s someone reading know that change can be great, even if at first it is overwhelming.
Sometimes good things take a while. Sometimes, like in this case they seem to come all at once.
Either way, good luck and embrace that change!
See you soon.